


James Loves Goblins

by KoraKwidditch



Series: Marauders Crack Fics [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fantasizing, Goblins, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Sexual Fantasy, Young James Potter, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black, inter-species sexual fantasies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:15:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23302999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoraKwidditch/pseuds/KoraKwidditch
Summary: James accidentally blurts out his love for scantily clad goblins.Written for Hermione's Nook Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest!
Relationships: James Potter/Goblins
Series: Marauders Crack Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1675846
Comments: 12
Kudos: 12
Collections: Cards Against Muggles Crack Fest





	James Loves Goblins

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt:  
> Black Card: "I need more ________" in my life said _______  
> White Card 1: scantily clad goblins  
> White Card 2: James Potter
> 
> Beta love to Mrs_Poncey!

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/143851546@N04/49697647868/in/dateposted-public/)

James Loves Goblins

“I need more scantily clad goblins in my life,” James Potter said while sprawled on the floor in front of Gryffindor’s common room fireplace. As the confession crippled the air, his quill stopped all movement and his eyes widened in alarm behind the glasses sitting on his nose. 

He glanced at the shocked faces of his friends who also stopped what they were doing to look at him. James’s face turned a deep shade of red, and he stuttered out a swift explanation. 

“I—I just think it would be, you know, really funny to see?” 

Sirius arched an eyebrow while Remus and Peter looked utterly confused. 

“I’m sorry, _what?_ ” Sirius replied incredulously. “You think it would be funny... to see a half-naked goblin?”

James’ eyes darted back and forth while he tried to think of something to hide his accidental slip of the tongue. He had been working on his report of the Goblin War and a few lewd ideas popped into his mind. After all, it was normal, being a teenager. He fantasized about all kinds of things being naked. Just the other day he had wondered what was beneath Hagrids baggy trousers!

“Yeah, y’know. I just imagine they’re super leathery underneath or something.” 

A half-truth, he did imagine that they were leathery under their small clothes, but he wouldn’t mention how much he fantasized about touching it or for it to touch him in turn. Those long spindly fingers grazing over his chest— 

Sirius rubbed his chin and regarded him for a moment before a large grin split his face, “Gross, James! But I imagine you’re right they probably do have really rough skin!” 

He elbowed Remus next to him. “What do you think, Moony? Think the females have tough or saggy breasts?” 

Remus shuddered and snapped his textbook closed. “I’d rather _not_ think about that, thank you, Padfoot.”

The thought had already invaded James’ mind before he could stop himself. He envisioned a female Goblin standing before him bashfully taking off her clothes, her curved nose looking at him over her shoulder. Her blouse slipping over her pointed shoulder to reveal equally pointed breasts covered by rough skin. James bet her nipples would be just as pointed, maybe even hard enough to cut parchment. 

“What about you, Wormtail? Think they’ve got nice knockers?” Sirius asked across Remus. 

Peter squeaked and turned a bright shade of red. “I-I dunno... Maybe...” 

All eyes turned to Peter at him possibly saying that goblins had nice boobs. He shifted uncomfortably at being stared down. “T-they could, but there’s n-no way for us to know. It’s not like they have a magazine like Witch Weekly or something.”

While Sirius and Remus started in on Peter being weird, James thought about what he had said. He remembered that Witch Weekly just released an article in the Daily Prophet that they were doing a new spread once a year, highlighting different species. The article highlighted that they would do mermaids, house-elves, and one that had intrigued him more than any other - goblins. He had to get a copy of that edition. 

James knew one thing for certain. He definitely needed more scantily clad goblins in his life. 


End file.
